She had been battling cancer for many years now, so I always knew she was going to go off some time soon. My grandfather who had maintained a somewhat cheerful disposition throughout my grandmother's unsuccesful convalescence (when has cancer been treatable anyway?) burst out into tears when she pulled her last breath. It was the saddest sight.

As for me, I have overcome the crying bit. When they told me she was dead, I felt that the lady in that sterile room was no longer my grandmother. It felt as if I had headbutted10 walls, not that I've tried. Once was shitty enough. One was Just minutes before, I was holding her hand. I could feel her grip tighten occasionally, but I knew she was so weak. It was deplorable. Siti, if I hadn't left the class earlier, I wouldn't have been able to see her in her last moments.

It's going to be fucking weird going for Hari Raya and not see her, because she was usually the first one I'd visit. I vaguely remember when she brought me up as a child. I used to eat the same thing for breakfast every day - jam and egg sandwich, plus Milo. Then chicken or fish soup for lunch, dinner, supper, tea. My grandparents used to fatten me up quite a bit, which explains why I am fat now......... Anyway, I had better treasure the time I have left with my grandfather. As well as the other side of the family.

I pray that she will leave this earth peacefully and that her judgement before God will be as smooth and painless as possible. Thank you for the message, Siti. I loved her very much.

I hear that LB wanted to visit me tomorrow. But sorry, I'm not free haha. I'm going for a haircut. Thank you so much for the kind thoughts. I love LB!

On a lighter note, I was trying to put on my best Jasmine impression the other day, minus the spitting and shrill voice. I hope Aunty doesn't mind me stealing her look for a day!